i’m reading this book for one of my modules called ‘love on the dole’ and it’s like all everything wants to do is remind me of how much i miss my dad. it’s set in the place he was born and it’s talking about a life not all too far removed from the life he knew growing up. and that hauntingly beautiful auden line keeps ringing in my head “we must love one another or die” and i want so badly to love and love and love but i am finding it so excruciatingly difficult to manage it. there is a gape. and it is not the gape that can be filled by toast or tea, or brilliant books, or by the precious hours that can be spared to spend with the other people that i love. it is the gape of the person that has taught me more than any other human ever has. the voice inside my head that tells me to be fair and to respect every other life on this planet and that believing in things and in causes and in people is worthwhile. it is the gape of my best friend. and he hasn’t died, it isn’t like he has gone for good. but it is painful and so very very unfair.
